›Brain Cells Return

After 29 hours of contractions every 2 minutes, Enzo Austin Johnson arrived on Novermber 13, 2007 weighing 7 lbs. 8 oz. and 20.5 inches. Even though my doctor said it was a difficult labor, the mind’s amazing ability to forget left me with images and facts of the day but erased any negative feelings or thoughts about the day. I can remember saying (well, screaming) “I can’t do this!”, but I don’t know why I was saying it.
Right before I started to push, I began to get a fever. This fever along with strong pain meds left me blacking out after I delivered. Although I had no idea what was really going on, I had a feeling inside telling me everything was going to be ok. It was a strange peacefulness where I trusted my husband and the doctors to take care of me and my baby. I bet this feeling would have been even stronger during a natural birth with no drugs, but I am glad I had my epidural even though it started to shift leaving me numb on only one side.

I really did not like being pregnant. During pregnancy, the uterus steals all the blood from your brain to take care of your baby. This left me feeling like another person. I hated talking on the phone because I often forgot what I was trying to say. At least in person, people saw I was pregnant and could understand why I sounded like an idiot. My normal mind is fast thinking, but during my pregnancy, it slowed down drastically. This did allow me to sit and not think or worry about anything, and for the first time in my life, I had moments where I had no thoughts at all. I would just be staring into space not hearing, seeing, or perceiving anything. Although this was at times relaxing, I often just felt stupid.

Pregnancy took away, not only my mind, but my independence. I had to rely on others, and I am not good at asking for help or excepting it. That is why I was so afraid of giving birth. I would experiencing something totally new that I could not even try to understand. What I found, though, was giving up total control of my mind and body allowed me to enjoy my feelings and the joys of giving birth. It seemed like time slowed down, my concerns disappeared, and I could put all my focus on my new baby and what he needs.

After the delivery, I slept for maybe 3 hours before I felt like I had the world to take on. I wanted to see my baby and get to know him. I needed to learn how to fulfill his needs and make his life amazing. The blood finally returned to my brain, and I discovered the purpose for my over-thinking analyzing mind.